By Agouti-Rex

Originally a flat-bottomed pot-bellied Sumatran wharf bat, Ilemauzer worked as a familiar for witch Syrynth Sapsorrow. Although rather timid and naive, Ilemauzer is extremely loyal to her witch - a fact that can make her easy to manipulate. Ilemauzer often despairs of being a good familiar, since her color blindness and lack of opposable thumbs. Recently, she's acquired both those things when she entered a pact with Old Scratch to make her human. He didn't quite deliver.

Syrynth Sapsorrow is an alchemist, apocathery, mid-wife, herbalist and witch living on the edges of the German town of Dribblesdorf. Rather curt and prissy, Syrynth does not have much truck with the locals outside of a strict business relationship. Syrynth insists that she is unaffiliated with the devil in her witchery - and she's rather pissed that he's chosen to take up permanent residence in her cottage. Syrynth recently ran afoul of the local villagers when, in an attempt to get the Dribblesdorf priest to exorcise the devil from her house, she admitted to being an atheist.

Father Damien Thumbscrews is the village priest of the quaint German village of Dribblesdorf. He's rather severe and humorless and given to burning people at the stake. He also seems to have some legal knowledge as he served as chief prosecutor during Syrynth's witch trial. Damien has a background as a witchfinder, having served as a Witchfinder Major in the now defunct Witchfinder Army. Recently, he has reconstituted the army under his own leadership and deputized most of the village's male citizenship.

Damien, like all Dribblesdorf men, had his genitalia magically removed by Syrynth. He wants them back.

Fritz Haarmann is the Dribblesdorf ratcatcher. A seedy character, Fritz is often found snorting arsenic in the rathaus cellar or fornicating with gypsies. He claims to have some legal knowledge, because he once caught rats at a law school, and he served as Syrynth's court-appointed counsel during her witch trial. His competence is debatable and he was mainly interested in the possibility of bedding his client. That didn't work out.

Fritz, too, magically lost his genitals. He also wants them back.

A young Dribblesdorf boy, often seen in the company of Father Damien Thumbscrews. Otto is apparently a ward of the church.

The Adversary, El Diablo, The Prince of Darkness. Old Scratch has been traveling the earth with his granddaughter and grandmother, visiting each and every disciple of darkness in turn. A charming and gregarious fellow, he's always cheerful and ready with a kind word. He's recently taken up permanent residence in Syrynth's cottage, finding that it's much more pleasant to board with someone who technically isn't a disciple - since Syrynth isn't always bugging him, he can finally relax. Syrynth does not like this.

Old Scratch has a granddaughter and a grandmother but no daughter or mother. No one, not even he himself, knows why this is.

Kitty Scratch is the devil's fat, spoiled granddaughter. Kitty is an obnoxious self-centered bitch who isn't really interested in anything that doesn't involve her eating. Kitty's appetite is apparently the result of a sexually transmitted eating disorder called Gonnorexia nervosa.

Grandmama is the devil's crotchety old grandmother. She doesn't like very much and very little of that, too.

Feathertop Crystalclitoris is a crazed semi-feral wild woman living alone in the Gruselwald woods. She claims to be a fanatical pagan, who abandoned civilization so that she could practice her faith in peace, but it isn't clear if this is, in fact, the truth. She captured Ilemauzer with the intent of sacrificing her to her gods, but later instead decided to leave her as a tribute to Babi Rusa. Feathertop was accidentally sucked into hell when she opened a letter intended to be delivered to Old Scratch's old flame, Sister Salamandra.

Babi Rusa is an ancient cannibal hag who lives in a hut made of pigs' bones, supported on four pigs' hooves, in the middle of the Gruselwald woods. Her name is frequently invoked by local peasants to scare naughty children.

Deminimis is a demon, Hell's general counsel and Old Scratch's personal attorney. He basically runs Hell while Old Scratch is away.

Terminium is another demon, Hell's chief cook. He has a strange fondness for sugar-based recipes, and is also the unwilling custodian of The Horror.

Zarviel is another demon. His exact title is unknown, but he seems to be part of Hell's welcoming committee.

The Horror is a monster that Ilemauzer encounters in Hell. It's not a demon proper, as it doesn't have horns, but Zarviel describes it as "a marvel of infernal genetic engineering." Ilemauzer convinces the other demons that she's a demon by accidentally kicking The Horror in its one vulnerable spot, its breasticles. Over 80% of The Horror's body is made up of seminiferous tubules. Its actual gender is rather ambiguous as its made up of a series of weird penis-like appendages and odd vagina-like chasms, but Terminium and Zarviel both refer to it as female - athough this may simply be for convenience's sake. The Horror does not appear to be capable of speech and it isn't yet clear whether or not it's actually sentient.

Back to Index

Church Cat   Rule Britania    Doom Town

is hosted on Keenspace, a free webhosting and site automation service for webcomics.